Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Patience is a Virtue, Right?

Things are really happening.  I'm seeing patients in our school clinic, I'm wrapping up my second year of my masters degree, I finally had the courage, love and self respect to post a picture of myself (on the internet!) in a bikini... so many amazing things.  And yet I still feel like things could be better if I had a boyfriend.

And then, when I think that, when I say that I get so frustrated with myself.  Why can't all of these other exciting things be enough?  And it's not because I need a man.  It's because I want a man.  I want to share all of this awesomeness intimately with someone.  It would make everything else that much sweeter (I think?)  Ugh.

I know I need to live in the moment.  I do.  And I also believe deep down that I am personally hard-wired to share.  To me it makes things worth doing.  I have taken a hard look at my self.  I have gone down to my depths; have looked into nothing and created something.  I have faced my demons and made peace with them (we're totally friends now).  I am following my wildest dreams and I am flourishing.  (I mean, I bought myself a fucking bikini!  How much more free can I get?)  I am embracing myself and I continue to work hard to be a positive force in the world.

So the big question now is...

What is God, The Universe, whatever waiting for?  I feel ready, so what gives?  I've never been a patient woman.  I'd better start practicing.

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