I had pondered whether or not to wake up to watch the lunar eclipse last night; it was expected to peak around 3am. This morning I knew why I had chosen to sleep through the night.
A profound dream message came to me.
TJ had come back from the dead. He looked the same as he always did, yet he had his short dreadlocks again. We were all so overjoyed with his return. We decided to move in together and happened to get our very first apartment back. As we moved all of our things from my parents house into our apartment, I told him all about what I've been doing since he'd been gone. I told him about my cats and how my parents would keep them since we couldn't bring them to live with us because of his allergies. As night fell, we'd magically unpacked and settled everything in their right place. It looked so lovely and cozy as I took stock. As I turned and saw TJ laying in our bed I wanted to cry with joy. I crawled in next to him and said "I can't believe we're together again and you're next to me". I leaned in and kissed his cheek. He began telling be about the changes he was going to make now that he was back and told me about his sensitivities while sleeping. He talked about the medications that would help change him physically so he felt more comfort. As he spoke, I got up and paused when I got to our bedroom doorway. I looked down our hall to the front door and felt a pang of sadness. The only thought that entered my mind was "this isn't going to work". The next day I went over to my parents house to visit with my mom and the kitties. I told her that I was glad TJ was back, that I loved him deeply and fiercely, and yet I didn't think I could be with him anymore. I told her that we would have to divorce. Suddenly having him back felt wrong, something didn't fit. And it wasn't a selfish feeling. It wasn't that he didn't fit in to my plans, it was that he really wasn't supposed to be in my life in that way. I told her I knew that he would understand when I explained things to him. I knew he would love me and support me in my decision. I remember feeling so worried about his parents reaction to me divorcing him now that he had just returned. How angry they might be and how they would probably never speak to me again. That thought was crushing and yet wasn't enough to sway me. I knew, deep down in my bones, that leaving him was the right decision. Staying with him, even in this new way with my new life, was going backward. I left my parents house with clarity and resolve, and with love and kindness in my heart for my beloved. This is how it must be.
As I began to wake, the profundity of the dream began to form and the number 13 began to swirl around in my consciousness. I saw images of the number in my half awake, half asleep state and thought the number over and over again. When I was fully awake I wrote everything I could remember in my dream journal on my bedside table. I also made notes about the number 13 and the full moon/eclipse/blood moon that occurred as I dreamed.
I began researching numerology on the internet and looked into the meanings of the number 13. My findings were incredibly relevant to what I believe the dream was telling me...
Number 13 is the number of upheaval, so that new ground can be broken. The number 13 has great power.
The number 13 brings the test, the suffering and the death. It symbolizes the death to the matter or to oneself and the birth to the spirit: the passage on a higher level of existence.
I found this site to be the most interesting. (Thanks, Emma!) I noticed that most other sites break down the number 13 into 1 and 3. And then add them to get the number 4. By combining what I read on this site with the break-down of the number 13 what I get is this:
BEGINNING and INITIATION + GROWTH and SYNTHESIS= PRACTICAL APPLICATION and DETERMINATION
I know this dream was a message to me about the changes that have begun. I could feel something brewing and now I know my gut was right. I am sure and firm in my life's path and will do anything to achieve my goals. Not only that, I am making peace with TJ's death in such an unfathomable way. I cried for joy as I told my mom about the dream. I said to her "I'm crying because I never thought I could let him go. It feels so good to know that he's really not supposed to be here; that it's right for him to not be here with me and to know that if he were here, I would be going backwards". The dream reminded me that what I am doing is important, that I am following my Tao, and that TJ loves and supports me. The fact that, in the dream, I was so sure that he would understand why I had to leave him tells me that.
My dreams are always important to me. I catalogue them and try to interpret them when I feel there is a message for me. This dream is unlike any others. The message is so crystal clear, there is nothing to figure. It's been said that ancient Native American tribes believed women were able to receive messages and premonitions from the heavens during a full moon. That the veil between our world and the spirit world is thin during that time because women are governed by the lunar cycle. Any dreams during that time should be taken as truth and all of the wise men of the tribe would heed the speakings of what each woman gleaned.
I truly believe that this was a message from the heavens. That the full moon, the eclipse, and the blood moon brought me something I had previously been unable to comprehend. I know that peace has come to my soul. My foundation is solid, my path is clear, my heart is sure, and I am unleashed.