Wednesday, March 6, 2013
This precise time two years ago I was saying goodbye to TJ. It was the last time I would look upon him with my own eyes. I kissed him on the lips, you know. I leaned down into his casket and pressed mine to his for the very last time. Over and over I kissed him; I couldn't stop myself. I cried onto his cold, waxen face. It took me more than thirty minutes to walk away. I gripped the edge of that casket until my fingers went numb. I leaned my body weight upon the edge when my legs could no longer support me. I never thought I could do it; walk away. I am weeping uncontrollably at the memory. I am in so much pain. I feel like this is some sick alternate reality. Hoping I can get back to the world where we are still together in blood and in breath. I miss TJ with every bone, every cell, every beat of my heart. He is everything to me. I love him.