Monday, July 30, 2012

Grey Shirt

I went on a personal mission today.  I needed to find my old wedding scrap book for bridal shower ideas for my soon to be sister in law's party.  All of our things are stored in a small room in my parents basement.  I rarely go in there, but knew exactly where I would find what I needed.  After I'd collected my folder I saw the big white trash bags with blue painters tape.  They said "Laundry to be Done".  I remembered back to when I packed up our house.  I threw the dirty clothes that were on the laundry room floor into these bags, intending to wash them as soon as I transferred them.  Since I was already doing laundry today I hauled the five bags into the next room to get to work.  I pulled up a little stool and sat on it, turning each bag upside down one at a time.  TJ's underwear, his socks, some towels and his t-shirts all tumbled out in front of me.  Even though it was dirty laundry, I held up his shirts to see if I could catch his scent.  Each one I lifted to my face smelled like basement.  I tried to will my nose into smelling what I wanted it to smell, so sometimes I would think I caught a whiff, but when I settled back into the shirt it was gone.  I abandoned the sniffing and began sorting lights and darks.  I found myself holding on to a light grey shirt and debating which pile to put it in.  On a last ditch effort, I raised it to my face and was completely blown away.  Tears sprang to my eyes and I said aloud "Oh, there you are!  There you are..."  I stood leaning against the dryer clutching his shirt as tightly as I could.  I buried my face into it and inhaled over and over again.  Afraid to ruin the scent, I made sure to lift my face away from the shirt when I exhaled as not to get my own scent on it.  Right around the collar is the best place to catch him. 

I thought I would never get to smell him again.  Tears are pouring from my eyes with emotion over this delicious find.  I walked around the house with it draped over my shoulder so all I had to do was turn my head and smell him.  It's exactly how I remember it.  The smell.  It's beyond perfect.  A true miracle to have found this simple, unassuming grey shirt that holds so much importance to me.  How lucky I am to have been stumped by it's color.  To have impulsively raised it to my face.  It could have been like the others, already washed and folded in my basket.  What a precious gift, to be able to sense him again in some way.

If I close my eyes and only focus on the scent I can almost remember what it felt like to be in his arms.  I miss him so much.

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