Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Definition: Dejected

I've been feeling a combination of wariness and restfulness all day long.  It wasn't until I came down for dinner that the dread crept into my chest.  I realized that with the new job I've been going going going and haven't had much time to reflect.  And now it has caught up to me.

I can't remember how to juggle.  I was never very good at separating work and home, but I thought I'd been getting a pretty good handle on it.  But tonight, I'm feeling dejected.  Having pushed myself for weeks now, the "what's it all mean?" is coming back with a vengeance.  Why do I have to go to work again?  Why am I enrolling in school?  Why am I trying so hard to be present?  It's times like these that make all of the work seem pointless.  Nothing can cure the constant ache I feel.

Hermit-ism is looking pretty good right now.  Locking myself away and being left to my own devices.  Blocking everything and everyone out.  Seeking solace in solitary.  That is the urge I am fighting.  I want to shut the world out and create my own bubble of contentment.  I want the impossible.

No comments:

Post a Comment