I'm feeling very sad tonight. I had dinner at the restaurant where TJ and I spent our last wedding anniversary together. At first I felt ok, but as the meal went on it got harder and harder. I ordered exactly what I had that night we were together and it was just as delicious as I remember it. I miss him terribly. I think it also makes it hard knowing that tomorrow would have been our 13 year anniversary. The ride home was the saddest part. Knowing that the last time I made that trip back from Pakha's, TJ dozed soundly next to me in the passenger seat. I reached over and rested my hand where he would have been for the ride back home to Frederick.
I'm scheduled to work tomorrow and now I'm wishing I had requested off. I have no idea how my day will go knowing how bad I feel right now. Tomorrow I'll take flowers to the cemetery, and maybe even take a picnic lunch to Middletown Park, where he proposed 8 years ago. I'm not sure if it will give me peace, or cause unbearable heartache, but I'm doing it anyway. To celebrate the love that we had.
I love you, TJ, forever and always.