Monday, April 16, 2012

13 years

I'm feeling very sad tonight.  I had dinner at the restaurant where TJ and I spent our last wedding anniversary together.  At first I felt ok, but as the meal went on it got harder and harder.  I ordered exactly what I had that night we were together and it was just as delicious as I remember it.  I miss him terribly.  I think it also makes it hard knowing that tomorrow would have been our 13 year anniversary.  The ride home was the saddest part.  Knowing that the last time I made that trip back from Pakha's, TJ dozed soundly next to me in the passenger seat.  I reached over and rested my hand where he would have been for the ride back home to Frederick. 

I'm scheduled to work tomorrow and now I'm wishing I had requested off.  I have no idea how my day will go knowing how bad I feel right now.  Tomorrow I'll take flowers to the cemetery, and maybe even take a picnic lunch to Middletown Park, where he proposed 8 years ago.  I'm not sure if it will give me peace, or cause unbearable heartache, but I'm doing it anyway.  To celebrate the love that we had.

I love you, TJ, forever and always.

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