It's incredibly strange. I reached down to pet both of my beautiful, sleepy kitties and couldn't stop looking at my hand. It hit me like lightening. I was ready to take off his ring. I've been wearing in on my right pointer finger since the day that he died. But I took it off, and with a steady hand put it into a box and into the safe. I'm shocked at how sure I was. Until that moment, it made me ill just to think about not having it on me somewhere. But right now I feel so sure. Now my ring, I feel very conflicted about taking off my own ring. I almost want to take it off, too. But I'm afraid at the same time.
I always thought it would be bad luck to take them off. Like they protect me or something. I wasn't even sure that I wanted his for myself when he died. It wasn't until the medical examiner told me to take it that I did. I remember that I could barely hold my hands still enough to tug at it. And at first, I couldn't get it off of his hand; a combination of his stiff fingers and my shaking. I had to stop myself, take a deep breath, and try again. When it came off it was so odd to me. I guess it's good that I have it. But I hated seeing him without it on. At the viewing, I traced his ring finger over and over where the band had left it's mark. And now that same mark is on my pointer finger. I don't know how long it will take to fade away, but I'm sure that when I take off my own ring, it will take a lot longer.
God, I'm superstitious. And I don't even think that there is a specific superstition about taking off your wedding rings after losing your spouse. I feel like I'll jinx myself if I take mine off. But, come on. Really? I mean, what else could happen? TJ's already gone, so it's not like taking my ring off will cause him harm. I just can't quite describe what I'm feeling right now. It's the strangest thing. I can not believe I am so sure about putting his away for safe keeping, let alone that I'm entertaining the thought of taking mine off, too.
One thing at a time, Courtney. Let's see how I do without his and go from there.