Last night, he was in my dreams.
*Disoriented as I came into consciousness, I found myself sitting still, yet in motion. A large, comfortable charter bus seat. I had no idea where I was headed. I felt warmth in my left hand; the heat woven between my fingers. Brushing the last curtains of sleep from my eyes, I studied my surroundings. I'd been slouching, so I scooted to an upright position. At that moment, I realized where the warmth was coming from. It was him, he was holding my hand. I tried not to cry when I looked in to his beautiful face. He rubbed his thumb over my ring finger, feeling the ridges and dents left where my wedding band should have been. "Why didn't you wait for me?" he said. Desperate to soothe him, I started to sputter out the words... "I did, I have it, it's here with me. I don't know how it came off". I pulled my hand free, scrambling to reach. I tore at the ring mysteriously resting on the finger of my right hand. Shaking and frantic, I returned it to it's home; covering the indentation it had left behind when removed. I laced my fingers between his, locking myself in place as tightly as I could, and looked into his eyes; "see, I never left. I'm here. Always"; breathless. And he looked at me. I can't place the expression in his face, but his eyes seemed to relax, find contentment. Just then, I knew that it was safe. He wasn't leaving me now. I closed my eyes and nestled my head against his shoulder, basking in the warmth and scent of him. Drifting back to sleep, I could feel the softness of the smile across my lips.*
I went in and out of many other dreams after this one. None of them as powerful. None of them as confusing. I want it back, I want to slow it down.