My parents and my sibs are total rock stars. They have my back. Nothing can take the place of TJ, but his back-ups are badass. I am extremely proud of my father. My mother is the fiercest mama bear around. My sister's hugs soothe me. My brother's reassurance lightens me. My other brother's advice saves me. My other sister's support and concern make me want to invent a way to send hugs through the phone.
Everything makes me miss TJ. These past few days have been emotional purgatory. I would give anything to have him for even 5 more minutes. To really kiss him and to feel life in his lips. I can say, without a doubt, that this is the hardest thing I will ever have to do. I tell friends that nothing really scares me anymore, because the scariest thing has just happened to me. I am living it. But with that realization comes a type of freedom. It's hard to describe it. But in a way it is freeing to no longer have to worry about things that don't really matter. To feel ok to only look out for numero uno. This is the reality check of all reality checks. I know I can make it through. I've got the power of two. He is helping me. I know it.