I pulled out a box of papers I had saved from TJ's office during the move. I wanted to read them. I found our engaged encounter notebooks from spring of 2005. In these notebooks we were encouraged to cover new topics that we may not have discussed as a couple and were necessary to be open about. At one point, we were asked to write a betrothal to each other and read it to one another. This is only the second time I have seen his to me (since the book was lost in other papers over the years). I am going to share it with you now because it brings me joy.
Everything we have said or given to each other has led to this point, and at this point I pledge to give you everything I have. I acknowledge and am prepared for the work we have ahead of us, and look forward to the joy that our union will create through our children. Soon, we won't have to wonder what being married will be like anymore. In a few short months we will officially be part of each other and living the miracle of marriage. I promise to be mindful that it is a miracle, and to treat it as such through loving you with all that I have.
You know that I've struggled with this for a while. It has always seemed like you have known what you wanted. You will have it. We will have it, not because I am tired of fighting it, but beacuse I no longer have reason to.
I will continue to love you unconditionally. I will take care of you always and in every way possible. I will summon up energy that I can't find for myself and use it to make sure that you never want for anything.
I will see that my finances are in order so that we can continue to build our dreams of family life. I will support you with any other dreams you may have. I will work so that any decision we make will be for the best. I give myself to you and will continue to do so again and again. If you are not crying by now, I must be doing something wrong. The only way I can show you much I love you is through a lifetime of examples that will start now. I love you. Thank you for being my wife."
I also found another entry where he writes to me "You know more about me than anyone on this planet, whether you believe it or not." I'm so glad to read that. I still have so many questions, but I know he is right. I know that what we had was so amazing and pure. I feel so honored to have shared a life with him. I will feel honored until the day that I die, no matter what else life has in store for me. TJ, you are my eternal love. I hope you can feel it even now.